The Magnificent Seven await for the London Branch

When that fateful whistle blew on the 24th May and our place in next year’s Premier League was confirmed, the causes for celebration were myriad. We’d stand a far better chance of keeping our better players. The club’s coffers would be bolstered to the tune of £220m according to some sources. We’d be saved from the ignominious possibility of having Jack Clarke, Ross Stewart, or, knowing our luck, even George Dobson bagging against us next season. But for fans based in the capital in particular, the dominance of London clubs in the Premier League offers some tantalising away days at low, low prices for next season (beer costs notwithstanding). Let’s take a look ahead at the swish London venues the Lads will be gracing in 2025-26.

Arsenal

A ground most of us have experienced at least once given it’s just shy of 20 years old, the Emirates is still an impressive stadium and memorable away day. Arsenal’s match-going fans are mostly sound, even though their relative success of late seems to have given a voice to their more insufferable section on social media. There are plenty of enticing traditional pubs in the area, and it’s relatively easy to reach on public transport. Sunderland’s last trip in 2021 saw Lee Johnson’s team given a good 5-1 hair-ruffling in the League Cup, though it’s hilarious how much his David Brent-esque banter managed to rattle their fanbase. I had to forgo my ticket for that one despite living a ten-minute walk away at the time, after my flatmate rather inconsiderately decided to get Covid, so I’m definitely looking forward to heading back. 

Brentford

A fellow side in red and white stripes and the much-heralded success story of “the model”, the one drawback of this plucky data-driven underdog’s rise to the big time was the loss of their fantastic old school home, Griffin Park. It might have been falling apart and was probably a health and safety nightmare, but as legend says it was propped up by a pub on each corner and it was undoubtedly one of the highlights on any away fan’s calendar. Sunderland have never played at its replacement, but I’ve been told by an Aston Villa fan that if you’ve ever been to AFC Wimbledon’s new ground, you’ve basically been to the GTEC. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, and Brentford have a great home record these days so any points will be hard to come by, but it’ll be good to tick off another of the 92 at least. 

Chelsea

Newly-crowned Conference League winners, Chelsea seem to have really carved out a niche as a club seemingly constantly on the verge of total chaos but that seems to somehow achieve relative success. Sort of like an elite level Watford. Stamford Bridge was actually the scene for our last Premier League game back in 2017, a suitably humiliating affair which saw future Mag Javier Manquillo’s opener wiped out by five Chelsea goals, as well as the shameful scenes when our team deliberately kicked the ball out for John Terry on the 26th-minute to be subbed off on the same minute as his shirt number. If the expression had been in vogue back then, this would’ve been rightly castigated as “utter woke nonsense”. Chelsea are obviously based in a fairly upmarket end of London, even if some of the crowd don’t exactly match the surroundings, and it’ll make a nice change from cramming into the concourse of Loftus Road yet again like most of our recent West London trips. 

Crystal Palace

Palace won the nation’s hearts recently when they won the 2025 FA Cup, but I’ve had a soft spot for them ever since they became one of the few fanbases to openly call out our neighbours Saudi Arabia FC for their moral vacuousness. They lose some points for their ground being a pain in the arse to get to and for being nowhere near their eponymous train station, but we do actually have a decent recent record there, and Defoe’s late winner back in 2015 brought about some of the best away limbs I can remember. The so-called Holmesdale Ultras can make an impressive racket for big games, but whenever I’ve been they’ve come across as little more than a small group of about 20 chavs jumping up and down to a drum for 90 minutes. Even Bristol City can manage that… 

Fulham

The Premier League’s and arguably English football’s most wholesome away day, we enjoyed a brilliant trip to Craven Cottage in the Cup as recently as 2023. Tony Mowbray’s lads more than held their own in a 1-1 draw, and we all believed for a glorious, fleeting moment that a then 15-year-old Chris Rigg had sent us through to the next round, before realising Abdoullah Ba was about ten yards offside in the build-up. With its picturesque surroundings and innocuous genteel crowd, Fulham is a fun away day for all the family. Where Millwall sees you herded through a metal cage by the police, Fulham offers you the chance to take a stroll along the Thames, or through the charming Bishops Park. And, in even better news, Mitrovic doesn’t play for them any more. Definitely one to circle on the calendar.

Tottenham Hotspur

For copyright reasons it’s now mandatory to either refer to this club by their full name or the moniker “Spurs”; the name Tottenham is apparently verboten. This irritating rebranding means that Sunderland start the season in the bottom three before a bill is even kicked for alphabetical reasons. Nonetheless, their space-age arena is probably the ground that most fans are looking forward to visiting the most, with the possible exception of Everton’s new dockside stadium. I’ve been here twice; once as a neutral and once watching our U21s team in the Cup, and the place really does live up to the hype, even if the surrounding area does call to mind that meme of the Lamborghini parked in the ghetto. The self-pouring pints truly are a miracle to behold, and given Spurs’ status as one of the most mental and unpredictable teams in the country, you wouldn’t rule out a shock win for Sunderland, so this is not one to miss. 

West Ham United

Along with Spurs, West Ham are one of two clubs easily reachable by bus from my flat in Walthamstow. I had the dubious pleasure of visiting Upton Park back before its demolishment, which was definitely one of the most hostile and unwelcoming venues in the country. The London Stadium is a world away from that experience, but some of the pubs around Stratford still offer that menacing East End Danny Dyer B-movie atmosphere for those seeking it. The ideal scenario would be for this fixture to fall in August, when the sun is still shining and the early season optimism is still intact, and the prospect of outdoor pre-match beers around Hackney Wick is still on the cards. Let’s just hope the fixture computer is kind to us.